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Showing posts from October, 2015

I missed a few days

It’s been very busy. That’s my excuse. Sara (my oldest) had a birthday yesterday and we had to have her whole crew/posse/whatever the kids call it now over in our backyard. Why kids like standing around in a backyard for three hours is beyond me but they seemed to enjoy it. We certainly put enough work into getting everything set up.

I think we worked on getting things ready for this all week. It seems like there is always something to do. I still have to clean up the firepit after I get done writing this but that is the last thing. Today is Halloween and we have no candy to pass out so obviously we’re going to have to keep the lights off and hide in the back of the house. I tried that last year and it worked wonderfully.
In hospital news, not much has changed. I think my mother is hanging in there and just needs to get over the hump of getting off the respirator. It’s a numbers game. There are so many different things the doctors are monitoring and all of them are slowly improving. B…

Day 28 and other thoughts

Life is now all about a continuous back and forth between hospital life and normal before hospital life. I am trying to settle back into a normal work schedule and returning to some of the things I enjoy doing (podcasting, blogging, etc.) while also still spending time at the hospital where I have been assured that no news is good news so no real change, positive or negative, is about as good as we can expect and things might stay this way for a while.

I miss writing here. I updated the blog to winter colors today and that matches the dreariness of the weather we have been having lately quite perfectly. Of course, there is no snow (there is rain instead) but it is gray and gloomy (perfect pre-Halloween weather) although it doesn’t feel like Halloween. I haven’t pulled out one decoration this year and that’s the first time that has happened since we moved into this house. There is just no time to fool with it and I don’t think the kids really care about it any more so it what’s the poi…

Day 23

I struggle sometimes to remember what life was like before all of this began. That’s my main thought this morning as I write this update and as I look at the calendar in which I track the days. Day 23 of the whole ordeal, day 14 in ICU.

I’ve spent so much time at the hospital that the cafeteria cashier has tried to give me an employee discount. Currently, I try to work at home in the morning, go up to the hospital for lunch, come back to work for a bit and then go back to the hospital in the evening.

My mother’s condition is unchanged and we know we are running out of time. We met with the doctors Monday. We agreed to wait until today to see where we stand. Today, we have to get aggressive (more surgery) or stop. My mother said many times that she does not want to be hooked up to machines but that is where we are and where we will be after surgery. And, we don’t know the length of time or what the future looks like at this point.

If we proceed, we’re rolling the dice. She could end up…

Day 12

A lot has happened since I last updated here. I am wri􀢢ng this post in ICU where my mother has been since her emergency surgery Thursday afternoon. All three of us, my parents and myself, found ourselves on Thursday at the point where a decision had to be made - death within one to three days vs. emergency surgery and a 25 % chance of survival. The doctors laid out the best case scenario and it was not pretty at all.

We are not at all out of the woods yet. We’ve been told it is still hour to hour. If she does get through this phase of the ordeal, recovery is going to be very difficult. I think I have been through every possible emotion of the last 12 days since this started with an ambulance ride to the emergency room. I find myself fluctuating between the peace of knowing we have done what we could and the guilt
of knowing that this is a terrible ordeal for my mother to go through with no guarantee that things will work out.

My goal is to return to work Monday after being away for n…

Day 15

A personal note

I started this blog as my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, mainly as an outlet and a diversion during what was a very difficult time for her and for our family.

This past Tuesday afternoon, my mother became seriously ill. As I write this, she remains hospitalized. I recorded this update yesterday as I drove back to my home from the hospital before the conversations we had today with the doctor.

As of today, we are having to accept the fact that there is a strong possibility that she will not recover.

There is much to do, much to accept, much to remember and much to reflect on and although I have tried to prepare myself for this day, knowing that the situation was becoming worse over the last few months, it is still a very difficult time for me.

This is why I have decided that I need to take an indefinite break from my online activities including Twitter, the blog and the podcast.

Almost thirty years ago, my mother cut out an article from Ann Landers and shared it with me. I hav…